I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
