i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
