let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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