Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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