You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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