Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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