my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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