after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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