he told me I talked like a deaf person
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
