i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
