he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry about my life...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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