I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
