I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
