got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
