If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think your dad took our porno
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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