just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
