I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
