I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
