I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
