i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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