Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
