I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
