Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
