Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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