Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
