When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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