you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
