Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
