She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think i got beer on your cat.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
