Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just invented taco cereal.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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