she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
