ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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