Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
