Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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