addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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