I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
