He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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