Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
