This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
