I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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