none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize