i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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