I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize