im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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