I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
