Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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