My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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