3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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