I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
