the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
