in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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