thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
