i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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