Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
