please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just pee around me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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