He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
