me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
