its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
