ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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