Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sober January is a disaster.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
