ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
