I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
