watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm passing your future prison.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
