you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
