I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
