I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
