i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
