can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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