so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
