Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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