she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
