is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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