I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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